If a loved one or acquaintance is feeling down this season, here's some advice from Ms. Vincent on how to respond:

• Understand they're going through this and don't expect them to feel good.

· "It's important not to cheer them up. You have to feel bad when you feel bad," she says. "Trying to cheer them up may make them feel guilty or keep their feelings inside. It doesn't help them work through their grief."

· Be supportive if the person doesn't want to participate in holiday traditions or wants to do something different.

· Ms. Vincent recalls a set of siblings who had to adjust to their father's need to visit their mother's grave on Christmas.

· Ask about the person's holiday plans, and assist if he or she wants you to.

· "They need to figure out what's do-able and what's too much for them," Ms. Vincent says, adding that when you ask about plans, it gets them thinking.

· If someone's feeling down and you want to invite them to do something with you, do it gently and don't insist.

· "Even do some problem-solving with them: 'What would it be like if you did this or didn't do that?'"

· Don't take it personally when your invitation is rejected or your offers of help are turned aside.