| Holidays--Again There always seems to be another holiday. It seems like yesterday that we celebrated Labor Day, the Jewish Holidays and Halloween. Now we are looking towards Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah and New Years. How do we as grieving parents, grandparents, or siblings look forward to or celebrate the holiday? There is no one answer. It may depend on whether our child died close to the holiday, how the holiday was celebrated, whether the holiday was important to our family, our religious beliefs and/or the length of time since our child left this earth. We approach the holidays with two thoughts, one, the memory of shared holidays with family and friends. They may include long drives to grandmother's house, luscious meals, sharing stories and loving hugs. Two, the emptiness brought about by our children who are no longer here. We remember the use to's. Now the holiday season brings us again the melancholy awareness of their absence. Some of us may choose to continue past traditions; others may start new ones. After some years we may return to our previous holiday traditions, once the pain has eased. Those of us who recently lost their child may feel they want to skip from right before Thanksgiving until right after New Year's. Many not so newly bereaved may feel the same. Make your own rules for the holidays. The way that you can best cope with the celebration is uniquely your own. Some of us need to withdraw from celebrating the holidays; others celebrate differently from past traditions. Some families never mention their child, while other families might set an extra place at the table and light a candle. Both extremes and all methods in between are right and appropriate. You may have to try both ways--and even create your own approach that is right for you and your family. Remember, though, to plan ahead. Wishing you a peaceful and gentle holiday season. Lois Copeland, TCF Arlington (VA) Chapter |
