Holiday Helps:

HOLIDAY TIME! The whole world seems consumed with tinsel and glitter, but those who grieve are only aware of the terrible hole in their hearts and in their lives. Knowing the intense pain of the holiday season, here are some helpful thoughts other bereaved parents have shared. Remember, grieving persons have definite limitations and don’t function at normal capacity. We must reevaluate priorities and decide what is really meaningful for us and our families.

1. We must decide what we can handle comfortably and let these needs be known:

Whether or not to talk about our child openly

Whether we can handle the family dinner, holiday parties, or if we wish someone else to take over some of these traditional tasks

Whether we will stay home for the holidays or choose to “run away” to a totally different environment

2. Don’t be afraid to make changes – it really can make things less painful:

Open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning

Have dinner at a different time

Attend a different church for Christmas Eve service

Let the children decorate the tree or make cookies

3. Comfort may come in doing something for others by:

Giving a gift in memory of their child

Donating money they would have spent on the child to charity

Adopting a needy family for the holidays

Inviting a guest (foreign student, senior citizen) to share the festivities

4. Whether it’s sending cards, baking, putting up a tree, ask before you decide:

Have I involved or considered my other children?

Do I and other family members enjoy doing this?

Is this a task that can be shared?

5. How many stockings shall we hang? We may decide to:

Put them all up

Hang no stockings at all

Put some special thoughts and feelings about our child on notes and put them in that special stocking. Family members are free to read them and it’s a special opportunity for younger children to express feelings.